Sunday, April 22, 2012

infertility is...

Hushed conversations, secret struggles, gross misconceptions, ignorence.

The reality is much more than that.  The reality is a group of people who fight a battle everyday for a glimpse of what seems to come so easily to everyone else.  People who face heartbreak and fear and loss and unanswerable questions every single day.  People who question every choice they make.  People who wonder what they did to deserve this.  People who willingly subject their bodies to tests and treatments and probes and medications... with no guarantee of their happily ever after.

Infertility is...
Getting excited when needles/syringes/medications arrive in the mail:



Having your veins look like this on a good day:

Covering your stomach in patches that leave you bloated and your tummy covered in a residue that fights you to the death to come off:

Carting your cryopreserved potential future children between clincs:

Watching while two beautiful embryos are transferred into you:

Waiting years to see this:

...Only to be told four days later that your dream doesn't get to stay.

It's multiple injections daily that leave you with bumps and bruises in places that are not convenient to have bumps and bruises. 

It's eyes so swollen from crying that you lie with ice packs in hopes of being presentable to the outside world.

It's being stripped of your privacy.

It's laughing at yourself for thinking that maybe, just maybe this is the month.

It's watching "it" happen for everyone else.

It's hoping you'll be "that couple" who was told it wouldn't happen but got knocked up once they stopped trying/went on vacation/stopped stressing/did thisthatortheother thing.

It's is also finding a strength in yourself that you never knew existed.

It's finding new meaning in words like patience... hope... faith...

It's discovering a new path.

It's learning that even in the darkest of days, you will be ok.

Infertility is someone you know... your daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, friend...

Infertility is me...

"Perhaps strength doesn't reside in having never been broken, but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places..." Unknown

10 comments:

Jen said...

I loved this post. Infertility is so much pain mixed with so much hope mixed with a touch of rationality to temper the hope. Thanks for sharing!

Laura said...

Beautiful post. Brought tears to my eyes.

Ducky said...

This post was wonderful. Absolute perfection in what you wrote. Could not agree more.

ICLW #50

MoonNStarMommy said...

This is an amazing post!! Do you mind if I share the link to it on my blog??

I wrote an article about all the feelings of infertility ... it's boggling and obsessive ... and everytime you see a happy pregnant woman you just want to jab her eyes out with an ice pick........ no, you never felt that way? Well, I admit it... I did.... never glared at so may pregnant people in my life...

But alas ... I am on the other side of all that now and a grad who is done. 14 miscarriages, 4 kids .. over 17 years....

I hope that your journey gives you a beautiful bump in your road very soon.

Stopping by from ICLW #86

St Elsewhere said...

What a beautiful and heartbreaking post.


#24

thehopefulpinklady said...

Hello from ICLW. This is a BEAUTIFUL post. I love it! Thank you so much for sharing!

mommy someday said...

Here from ICLW. What a great post! "secret struggle" - I wish I felt brave enough to not keep it a secret, but I will have to settle for my blog community, rather than my family and friends.

returntogobaby.com said...

Hello from ICLW. I like this post. I've been considering writing/brainstorming a similar post but with a bit more snark and sarcasm. "You Know Your Infertile When..." Or, perhaps I will start a tag game. Best of luck!

Mar said...

Beautifully captured.

kscarlett said...

Beautifully written post.