Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Updating around these parts has been on my list of things to do, but it kept getting pushed to the bottom of that list.  Looking at my last post and realizing how much of a slacker I have been (yet again), I figured I'd try to get my act together at least a little bit.

I'm in my last week of bcps and began shooting up L.upron this morning.  Our h.ysteroscpy and mock transfer both went.  Hopefully by the end of next week I'll be slapping e.strogen patches along my tummy and be on my way to buildng a nice cushy lining for our embies to snuggle into.

Calls to our old clinic and our new one have been made so that we can prepare those precious embies for their trip.  I'm quite disgruntled with our old clinic as they are charging us $350.00 to "prepare" everything for the move.  They aren't very forthcoming with information and I just don't have the energy to argue with them. So, while I am not happy about it I am just going to pay them and be done.  This just reaffirms how right we were to pursue other opinions and move forward with a new Dr.

Our paperwork is complete.  I just have to pay the fee and offically schedule everything.  I hope that all is finished with that aspect of this cycle by next week.  Basically I am just trucking along at this point.  I'm trying not to think about things and am honestly trying not to get my hopes up. 

Warning... this could get rambly, but I hope my thoughts come through semi-coherently...

My parents know our story and have gone above and beyond in the support department.  I count my blessings everyday that I have such wonderful and loving parents.  My momma and I talked a bunch this weekend about what this cycle entails and the what-ifs of what happens if it doesn't work.  She related how almost three years ago, when they were wheeling her in for her double m.asectomy, she laughed because of all the things that could have come to her mind at that moment,  the lyrics to "Q.ue S.era S.era" are what popped into her head.  That became her mantra.  That helped her focus.  There are some things you just don't have much control over and you just have to roll with it. 

Now don't get me wrong, when most people tell me that everything happens for a reason, I usually want to throat punch them, and most people reading this will probably want to tell me to shove it.  But talking with Mom was different.  It was more of a reminder that we have done everything we have needed to do.  We just need to keep faith and hope that our prayers are answered.  And my reaction/acceptance to this conversation showed me how far I have really come. 

A discussion was had on the boards today about living childless.  I fully admit that we have thought/talked about it and have come to terms that should this cycle not work, that a child free life could very well be our reality. Yeah it saddens me and I think it's totally unfair... but I know we'll pull through (I'm not saying it'll be easy - but we have each other to lean on).

I think I'll quit typing before this all becomes just a bunch of word vomit that makes no sense ;)

"Q.ue S.era S.era, Whatever will be will be, The future's not ours to see, Q.ue S.era S.era, What will be will be..." Doris Day


manymanymoons said...

You have a great attitude. It sounds like your mom was a great support and voice of reason. It's so nice that you have that. Definitely keep us posted.

Mrs. Hoppy said...

I don't think I have ever commented on your blog before but I do follow. :) I really hope this cycle ends positively for you and you don't have to consider living child-free!