Thursday, October 28, 2010

the adoption theory...

I spent a lot of time with my friend and her mom after her dad passed.  I have always considered her parents like family and am grateful that I could have this talk with her and her mom.

I don't remember how we circled around to the topic, but the subject was one I had hoped to talk about one day.  I have always known that my friend is the product of, for lack of a better term, the "adoption theory."

The summarized story unfolds something like this.  After battling infertility for eight years thru countless treatments, prescriptions, and procedures a decision was made to pursue adoption.  She recalled to the exact day of when she made the call.  They were trying to get into a program that would only accept twelve couples. She remembers staying up all night for fear of oversleeping.  She had to be the first one to call and get on the list.

The adoption would be thru a religious organization that had very strict guidelines.  After 10 months of interviews, home studies, and the like... they welcomed home a beautiful baby boy.  She told us how the second he was placed in her arms that there was no question of where he belonged.  He was theirs.

A month later, she was pregnant.

With news of the pregnancy, there was a chance that their sweet baby boy could be taken away, but by the grace of God, he was able to remain where he belonged.  Their family of four was complete.

Our conversation turned to the stupidity of others and the lack of judgement/awareness/whathaveyou in regards to asking about the state of another person's uterus.  How after she found about her miracle, she cringed when people told her it was because she had finally relaxed.  How she never forgets how lucky she is to have been blessed with two perfect children.  How she will never forget those eight long years of sorrow.

Thirty years later she recognizes that same fear in me.  She didn't offer any, "it'll get better" or "the time will come" or "just relax"... she just listened and I am grateful.  In the midst of grieving the sudden loss of her beloved husband, she was able to find a smile as she recalled the whirlwind of that summer three decades ago.  We talked.  We laughed.  We bounced back & forth some good retorts for how to respond when the inevitable baby questions are asked.

It was nice to talk to someone so close who really understood all the emotions and hormonal episodes.  My story will not unfold like hers, but will nonetheless play out.  Whether it be children through ivf or adoption, or living a child free life - there is something great awaiting me in the future.

I believe that while we may not always get what we wish for, there is a happily ever after waiting out there for each of us.  It may not be what we initially set out for, but when we reach it... it fits just right.

"Hope is the expectation that something outside of ourselves, something or someone external, is going to come to our rescue and we will live happily ever after..."  Dr. Robert Anthony


Tiffany said...

We miss you around the nest. I'm still following your blog and wishing you the very best of luck! *hugs*

Tabitha said...

What a beautiful post!!

cjdubs13 said...

We are waiting to get matched with our baby and I hate when people tell me once you get your baby, I bet you will get pregnant. I cringe every time. I remind them that they are only hearing the stories that people do get pregnant after, not the huge number of women who never get pregnant after adoption. Thanks for sharing.