Sunday, April 25, 2010

NIAW...

The debate over who to tell is one I battle over constantly.  While I feel that it is very important for people to understand infertility, I also don't want to force the issue upon anyone.  It saddens me that there is such a stigma attached to infertility.  It is not a life style choice, but some people have such preconceived notions about it that cracking that surface takes a sledge hammer.

While our families and friends do know where we have found ourselves, I am certain that it is not easy for them to really understand it all.  Little by little I have started to open up and find myself answering more and more questions in an effort to shed some light on the topic.  For those on the infertility road, are you "out" to those close to you?  

April 24th - May 1st is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW).  It is a movement to create awareness about the disease of infertility which affects 7.3 million Americans (www.resolve.org).  Resolve is an amazing resource for anyone struggling with infertility, as well as those who have friends and/or loved ones making their way though the thick of it.  If you haven't heard of it, check it out.

Another great place to read up on some "Infertility Etiquette" is this blog.

And thanks to the prompting of the lovely Dandelion Bud over at Bloomin Babies, I worked up the courage to make this today's fb status: "Because 1 in 8 is someone you know. www.resolve.org/takecharge"

Thank you for all of the love and support that you have shown me over this past year.  I hope that I can pay forward all the kindness this community has shown me.

"Awareness is empowering..." Rita Wilson

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Jack...

You know all those stereotypes about little boys?  Well, when it comes to my youngest nephew Jack, they are all true.  He's tough.  He's ballsy.  He pushes you to the edge of your breaking point and then melts your heart with a smile or a hug.  An afternoon at the park brought us these...

The devilish smile that is just about always up to no good.  

His love for a dog who should be granted sainthood for all he endures.

He is a handful to say the least, but you can't help but love him all up :)  


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Happy ICLW...

Hello All and welcome to the latest addition of ICLW!

You can read a bit about me and a summary of our TTC history over to your right.

As for this blog?  Well, its filled with randomness.  From documenting our cycles, to laying down the emotions of the IF rollercoaster, with a little bit of my new hobby of capturing the littles in my life on film... yep, welcome to crazy town.

Thank you for stopping by and listening to my ramblings... I look forward to getting to know all of you :)

Happy ICLW!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Demons...

It was tough for me to decide to post this, but I figure it is important to be honest, to share, to learn, to grow...


I struggled with anxiety and a bit of depression for quite some time, especially while I was in college.  Over the years, with a lot of love and support, I learned how to handle it and keep the panic to a minimum.  Recently though, I can feel some of those old demons trying to make their way back into my life.  The heart flutters, the loss of breath, the shakes, the omg I need to get out of this room/store/whatever right now.  I can feel the ugly seeping in and sometimes it can be tough to shake it.  It frustrates me to no end because while there are of course certain triggers that can set it off, it is often for no reason at all.

Of course I know that some of this is the result of our failed cycle and the general road of infertility.  I don't know that I will every fully release all of that pain.  But, I know that it is ok to hurt... to have bad days.  The good days most certainly outweigh the bad but good God, why do those bad ones feel like they might never end?

When I find myself in those moments where my grip on control is loosening, I am forced to take a deep breath and remember that I am not alone.  That I will not let the panic win.  That I am strong.  That I am blessed.  Is it easy?  No.  Does it always work?  No.  Is it worth the battle?  Hell yes.


"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness.  Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.  Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength..." August Wilson

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Lil Miss Lea.h...

There are so many adorable children in my life and being able to share in their adorableness warms my heart especially on the darkest of days.  I went to visit my niece last week and with camera in hand I sat myself on the floor with her to drink in the love.
(Lil Miss Lea.h is happy and chubby and wonderfully perfect.)

(She so wanted to get her chubby hands on my camera...)

(And how can you not love a lil girl who has already mastered the art of the "side-eye"...)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Batsto...

Some days, when there is finally a break in the craziness, we find ourselves jumping in the car, rolling down the windows, and driving aimlessly until something attracts our interest.  A few weekends ago, our wandering led us out to Batsto.  It was a beautiful day and it was great to breath in the fresh air and take in a bit of history.






With the weather finally breaking and the warm weather renewing my spirit, we have been spending a lot more time outdoors... which in turn has limited my time online.  But, after finally uploading the million pictures on my camera, I figured it was time to do some catching up around here.  I hope to get some more posts up this week :)