Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Slacker...

I have real been a blogging slacker this month!  But I think the break from the internet did me some good.  My head is clearer and I don't feel so bleh anymore.  I have been keeping myself busy and drinking up the happy that can be found all around me.  While one prayer is temporarily unanswered, there really is so much in my life that I am blessed to have and I have been trying to remind myself of that every day.  I will try to post some pics later today of some of those happy moments.

In other good news, I have lost 7.6 lbs!  I am in shock that this is working and so trying to keep it up (er, down?) and not jinx myself.  Clothes are starting to fit me again, I feel better, and gym time together has been great for Joel (Mr) and me.  We push each other and I know I wouldn't be trying quite as hard if he weren't there to kick my ass along, lol.

So, while things certainly have not gone according to plan, I am getting through and know that I will be ok...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Picture Day...

I figured I would try to make one day a week Picture Day... so, why not Tuesday :)

You will start to see that most of my pics are of the same kids over and over.  My nephews and nieces are pretty damn cute if I do say so myself, so I can't help but to take a ton of pics of them all.

Today's pic is of Miss Peyton.  She is one of the happiest babies I have ever met, but this picture is simply priceless... 

I got a nice snotty snuggle after this shot.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Ironic...

Mr surprised me with a camera on Christmas, and up until recently I hadn't really been putting it to good use.  Since I am no longer busy shooting myself up, I have found myself shooting tons of pictures.  And the ironic thing is that most of the pictures are of my family/friends' children.  As much as I ache for a child of my own, I find such joy in capturing moments in the lives of the little ones that are in my life.

I have always loved photography and now that I am finally learning the ins and outs of it I am finding it as a great therapy tool.  Who knows, maybe one day I will even make something of it.

I know that for some people navigating their way through IF, seeing pictures of babies/children is not easy.  So, I just wanted to throw out a warning to those who read my blog that I will be posting pics over the coming weeks of my view from behind the lens.  I do hope that you continue to read and that seeing these adorable faces brings a smile to you...

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Needed a break...

Sorry I have been such a bad blogger...  I just kind of needed a break.

So, where to begin.  We had our wtf appointment last week.  Dr. B said she thinks it was just plain ole shit luck. The quality of our embies is good and Mr's sample was acually improved over his last SA which was wonderful to hear.
We are free to move forward with the FET whenever we are ready and she thinks that having less meds in my body with the FET may increase our odds a bit since my hormones were all over the place with the fresh cycle.

She also recommended I have an SHG for shitandgiggles just to be sure there wasn't something lurking up in my business that we hadn't caught before.  I had this done on Tuesday and everything looks good.

Even though we have the all clear, we are not ready to move forward yet.  I took this bfn really hard and I need some time to heal.  My heart hurts and the rest of me is numb.  Some days its easier to just ignore it all, and then other days I am so proud of myself for keeping my head up and moving on.

And then last night I finally had a conversation that I knew was coming, but nevertheless stung quite a bit.  My friend P, who I have written about before, is now pregnant.  I know that it was difficult for her to tell me and I hate that because she so deserves to be happy.  I am 100% thrilled for her, I am just so sad for me.  She is about 4 weeks ahead of where I would be had our cycle worked.

I'm trying to move past all the ugly and clear my head of all the what-ifs, but I know that this healing is going to take time...