Sunday, February 14, 2010

10dp3dt...

10dp3dt = 10 days post 3 day transfer = 13 past O = 2 days until beta = we changed our minds and tested today...

It was negative.  Stark white.  Not a glimmer of a second line in sight.

My breath was instantly taken away.  I was hysterical within seconds.  Mr just held me, while the saddened look in his eyes forced my ugly sobs to worsen.  His whispers that it isn't over just yet helped the tears to subside for moments at a time.  But throughout the day, I found myself wiping the wet from my face, after not even realizing that I had been crying again in the first place.

After showering and another round of ugly, I got dressed and was led out the door by my love.  It is after all, Valentine's Day.  While it wasn't the kind of day that we had dreamed of, we made the most of it.  By keeping me out of the house all day I wasn't able to wallow in the heartbreak and was forced to remember that with Mr by my side I will always be ok.

Walking hand in hand with my love through Olde City Philly,  with the cold wind in our faces and snow covered history all around us was the perfect remedy for our heavy hearts.

We are trying to hold on to hope and praying for a miracle come Tuesday's beta.  I know that it isn't over just yet, but it is so hard to see that light through this current haze of downright fear.

9 comments:

The Jerseymooners said...

Still sending love and prayers your way...

MJ said...

{{HUGS}}

Hopeful34 said...

Oh Jamie don't give up hope yet. Maybe you just have a late implanter. I never test early. I usually test the day before or the day of beta. My IVF#1 didn't work but my FET just did. I heard the FET's are alot less stressful on your body & they were right. You still have snowbabies which is alot more that alot of the ladies on the bump as you know. It's going to happen for you!! I just know it!!!

Mrs.Laker said...

Thoughts and prayers your way!! Good luck on your beta!!

Megan said...

Nothing to offer but hugs. Hang in there.....

Kristin (kekis) said...

As I already posted, I think this sucks. Lots of love and prayers for you.

the fourth door said...

I'm holding onto hope still! Sending good juju vibes and prayers your way.

wait, what? said...

I'm holding out hope for you too...

Shanny said...

I'm sorry. I know its heartbreaking even knowing that it is still very early. I'm going to put some extra prayers for some good luck on Tuesday. Big big hugs.