Saturday, January 30, 2010

Triggering...

I will be triggering at 245am  for a 1245pm Monday retrieval!

I stopped taking so many notes on what the numbers of my cycle were.  They were only stressing me out... I figure if there were a problem they would let me know.  So, I just went with the flow the past few days and after today's monitoring appointment I finally got the call about my trigger.

I'm anxious and excited and just ready :)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Catch up...

Today's scan showed a few lead follies at around 17 and there are a bunch of smaller guys that are trying to catch up.

Bloods:
E2: (1215)
P4: (1.6)
LH: (11)
FSH: (4)

I'll be adding back in 75IU of bravelle and menopur tonight, sticking with the 5 units of lupron in the am and going back for another u/s and more b/w tomorrow.

I asked for a guesstimate of when I would be triggering and she said it could be Thursday with retrieval Saturday, but of course we won't know until tomorrow's results are in.

So, now I'm sitting in my office with my pants un-buttoned, praying no one walks in.  I was fine all morning but this afternoon the bloat came out of no where.  I'm thinking some comfy pants may be in order for the next few days if this keeps up.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Coasting...

After 7 nights of stims, here's where we stand...

Still looking like "a lot" of follicles.  The lead is a 15 and the others aren't too far behind.  Seems like the majority are 12s with some 11,13,14s mixed in.

As for bloods:
E2: (1485)
P4: (1.3)
LH: (3)
FSH: (5)

Dr B is afraid of over-stimming me so I was told to not take any stims tonight but to continue with the 5 units of Lupron in the am and to come back tomorrow for repeat u/s and b/w. 

Does anyone have any experience with coasting?  I don't know why, but it makes me nervous.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Progress...

My second follie scan was this morning.  As the tech did her thing with the dildocam, she laughed and said "Wow, you sure are going to keep us busy."  Looks like I have at least 25 follies doing their thing in there (with some additional small guys that probably won't do much).  The lead is at about 12 with some 10s close behind. So, we are definitely making some progress :)

As far as my bloods go:
E2: (1070)
P4: (0.8)
LH: (9)
FSH: (8)

I am to continue with the 5units of Lupron and reduce my stims to just 75IU of Bravelle.  I go back Monday morning for my next scan.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

First Follie Scan...

This morning was my first follie scan.  The tech didn't offer up too much info other than I have a "ton" of follies.  The biggest are measuring around 6 or 7.

The nurse just called with my blood results and went way too quick for me to ask any questions:
E2: (465)
P4: (0.9)
LH: (9)
FSH: (9)
She said to continue on 5units of lupron and 150IU of bravelle but to decrease to 75IU of menupor.

I go in on Saturday for my next scan.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Change...

Its day 3 (or I guess night) of stims and so far, so good.  Yeah, it still takes me a bit longer than I would like to mix up the four vials of meds but each night goes a little smoother than the previous one.

I really had myself worked up that first night.  I sat with the needle in my hand for a good twenty minutes before I finally shoved it into my thigh.  I don't know that I was necessarily scared of the needle itself considering that I have been shooting Lupron for the past however many days, but beginning stims made it just a little more real.  This cycle is really happening.  I am developing the follies that could/should/will produce our future children.  

Everyone warns you of the emotional toll that IF and ivf can take on you, and even though you know the stress is coming I honestly don't think that you can really 100% prepare yourself for how it will hit you.  In the pit of my stomach is a ball of excitement, nerves, and scared shitlessness.  And I know that is normal and I knew that it was coming, but for it to actually be here - right now - is another matter.

I think that part of it stems from the wait that we had.  We have known for a little over a year that ivf would be the road we had to travel, but for a million reasons it just wasn't the right time then.  I know that that was the right decision and that overall we needed that wait but, the waiting and waiting and not being able to do anything just plain sucked.  I felt helpless and useless at times.  Some days it was hard to find myself amongst all the crazy.  I was scared of what was to come.

IF changes you... it does not control you (although it can if you let it), but it absolutely changes you.

You see the world differently.
You hear people differently.   
Your thought process changes.
Your sex life changes.
Your eating/drinking habits change.
Your schedule now revolves around blood runs and dildocam visits.
Your emotions are controlled by an abundance of hormones.
The list goes on and on and then on some more.

I recently found this quote by Rosanne Cash that seems fitting, "The key to change... is to let go of fear."  

So, I am attempting to kick fear out the door (or at least hide it in the closet for a bit).  I'm trying hope on for size... I'll let you know how it fits ;)

Monday, January 18, 2010

Stims...

I went for my baseline this morning and have been staring at the phone all day willing it to ring.  It finally did about a 1/2 hour ago.

Blood-work and ultrasound came back ok sooo... I am starting stims tonight!

holy.shit.

I will start 150IU of Bravelle & 150IU Menupor tonight and reduce my Lupron to 5 units in the am.

I am admittedly bugging out just a little bit.  Yes, I knew this would be happening but its here - today - right now.  o.m.g.


:::deep breaths:::


ETA: I did it!  It took a time little to work up my nerve, but it was sooo much easier than I had anticipated :)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

No real exciting updates...

No real exciting updates...

I took my last bcp tonight!  werd.

I will continue with the Lupron and am happy to say that it is going ok.  It has made me extremely tired, but other than that I haven't had any real bad side effects.  I did have one bad go around with the needle, but I think it was just a matter of being too close my last injection site... lesson learned.

Hopefully AF shows soon so that I get the all clear to start stims when I go for b/w & u/s on Monday. 

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Morning...

I am sooo not a morning person.  I seriously set four alarms during the week and manage to still hit snooze for about a half hour.  Its sad, but its the truth.  Weekends are awesome for the simple fact of no alarms.  I can sleep in and wake up whenever the hell I feel like rolling out of bed.

But, seeing as my first injection day fell on a Saturday, I knew that I was going to have to set my alarm so that I could keep my "shot times" the same for each day.  I was worried that I would turn it off or sleep through it, but I guess my nerves took over this morning since I jumped up as soon as the alarm rang.

I made Mr get up with me because I was a little nervous about sticking myself for the first time but... it was so freakin easy!  What a huge sigh of relief!  We actually high-fived after I did it... yeah, I know, we are dorks.


Mr followed the shot up by surprising me with breakfast in bed... he is a wise man who knows that chocolate-chip pancakes make everything better :)

Meds...

Since tomorrow kicks off the start of my injectables, I figured it was time for the standard ivf meds pic...


And remember the case of the missing needles/syringes?  Well, I think I am good to go now...

Good times ahead ;)

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Saturday...

Guess who gets to start shooting up Lupron on Saturday?

Me!!!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Weddingpalooza 2010

With the receipt of our first 2010 wedding invitation today, Weddingpalooza 2010 has officially begun... as if all of the 5 weddings last year (two of which I was in) weren't enough of a drain on our bank account!

Its only January and I am already aware of 6 weddings for the year:

March - cousin in Key West (yay for vacation!)
April - Mr's cousin
April - college friend (we are unfortunately declining)
May - friend's wedding
June - cousin in Ocean City, MD (yay for 2nd vacation)
October - another cousin

aaand I know of at least one more that will probably be set for sometime in September... fml

Monday, January 4, 2010

Rare sighting...

There was a rare sighting at the RE today... a couple laughing in the waiting room.

Mr and I met at the office today for our injects class and while we waited to be called back we sat and talked and joked and laughed (we were the only ones in the waiting area so we weren't bothering anyone).  At one point a few of the nurses heard part of our conversation and joined in on the laughs.

Anytime I go to the RE it is such a quiet place.  But today, for the first time in awhile, I was able to take a deep breath and smile.  While our situation blows, it is not the end of the world and it has taught us so much about ourselves and each other.  We have grown as individuals and even more importantly as a couple.

The visit continued to keep my spirits up.  I have talked to a few of the IVF nurses on the phone, but today was the first time that I got to meet one in person.  The nurse we had for our injects class today was awesome to say the least.  She seemed genuinely excited for us and put us at ease immediately.

I could be shooting myself up with Lupron by next week.  Next week!  Holy shit.  After a year of not being able to do anything, we are finally moving forward.

We have a few unanswered questions that need attention, but with a little luck and a lot of prayers, things will fall into place...

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Years Day...

While I have always lived in South Jersey, my entire family is from South Philly and the majority of my extended family still lives there.  South Philly is home to the Mummers, and for this, New Years Day is probably my favorite holiday.  You can read a little about their history here.

There really are no words to explain the mayhem... men in dresses and sequins, lots of make-up, umbrellas, and tons of music.  So to share the craziness with those of you who have never witnessed the madness, I hit 2-street today with my trusty new camera in hand.  I forgot my slave flash and the lighting on the street at night wasn't the best, so I didn't get many pics of the String Bands but I got plenty of the Comics who will give you a great idea of the feel of the day.

Its amazing how things change of the course of a few hours...






















Its pure chaos and you really can't understand nor appreciate it unless you are there, but trust me when I say, its a lot of fun.  Hope you enjoyed :)

I also took a ton of great pics of my nephews and littlest cousins today and hopefully I will have time to post some of the adorableness later...