Thursday, December 31, 2009


While, things surely could have been a lot better this year, I really do have a lot to be thankful for.  Courtesy of fb, here are a few of my favorite moments from 2009...

I'm looking forward to the new year and new beginnings.  Happy New Year everyone!  Wishing you all "positive" things ;) xo

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Blonde Moment...

Last night I decided to go thru my meds yet again, I have been thru them at least a dozen times, and had a major blonde moment... yes, you can laugh at me.

I have no syringes!!!  Well, the Lupron has them in its box, but as for the Menopur and Bravelle - nada - just the Q-caps.  I totally wasn't thinking.  My meds were donated (I can never say thank you enough!!!) so syringes/needles are something I have to get.

I know it won't be an issue, I will call my clinic in the am, but hello... common sense Jam...

This three-day weekend couldn't have come at a better time :)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Injects Class..

I just got off the phone with the ivf nurse and we are officially scheduled for our injects class.  Next Monday at 2 we will learn the ins and outs of shooting me up.  I will be doing the Long Lupron Protocol with Bravelle and Menopur.  My box of meds has been sitting patiently at home waiting to be put to use.

Mr is getting a major kick out of this.  He thinks its hysterical that he gets to "stab me in the ass."  Sweet isnt he? 

For the first few shots I'm thinking I will definitely want his assistance.  But I am hoping that after the initial shock of having to stick my body with several needles a day, I will be able to administer them myself without any problems.

I am looking forward to the class as it is another step towards making our dreams a reality :)

Monday, December 28, 2009

My Stomach...

Since starting bcp's my stomach hasn't been the same.  I don't know if it is the pills themselves or my nerves or what... but something is up.

I'm not hungry.  I have been forcing myself to eat, but after a few bites I am literally forcing it.  Even just trying to snack on small things doesn't seem to be working.  And then I get nauseous or I get heartburn.  Super fun.

This is a good and bad thing all rolled into one.  Bad for the obvious... I need to eat.  Good because, well Fatty McFattass here needs to lose a few lbs ;)


Its amazing how quickly the holiday flew by.  So... for a quick recap...

Christmas was wonderful.  The time spent with our families was great.  We shared a lot of laughs, exchanged some great gifts, and ate way too much food :)  My youngest nephew is four, so he was a joy to watch this year.  He was so excited about everything and it helped keep my spirits up.

As for the awesome gift that Mr was hinting towards?...  Meet my new love :)

It is perfect.  I recently discovered how much I really love photography and am actually (dare I say it) pretty good for just beginning.  I am so looking forward to learning more and putting this camera to good use :)

Sunday, December 27, 2009


I have been without internet since Wednesday... talk about withdraw!  So, this leaves me with lots of catching up to do.   Updates will follow shortly.

Hoping everyone had an amazing holiday :)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


From a cold, to the flu, to several bouts with bronchitis that sent this asthmatic to the ER... it never fails, I have been sick for Christmas every year, for as long as I can remember.  No matter what precautions I have taken, this time of year always seems to kick my ass in the health department.

Mr was sick last week and I really thought that I had beat it.  His cold or whatever it was, was not going to get me.  I should have known better.

It totally blindsided me yesterday.  This congestion is awful, I would like nothing more than to drill a hole into my sinuses.  I have taken more cold medicine in the past 24 hours than is probably recommended, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I have a hot date with a shot of N.yquil tonight and am hoping tomorrow I am able to once again breathe out of my nose.

I will not be sick for Christmas!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Black hole...

Target, well... its like a black hole.  You go in for shampoo and 2 hours and a hundred bucks later you wonder what the hell you just bought.

I went a little nuts there today.  I went to pick up something that I had been meaning to get for my niece, and came home with several things for her and more items for each of my three nephews.

And as I showed Mr all of the things that I just had to get for them, I realized that I had to have these gifts because buying for them and making them happy, makes not having a child of my own a little less painful right now.

I know that Christmas Eve and Day are going to be a bit tougher than I have prepared myself for, but seeing the joy on my nephews' and niece's faces will help, even if just a little, to heal the ache...

Sunday, December 20, 2009


Took my first pill tonight...

This show is officially on the road :)

Friday, December 18, 2009

Gift giving..

Christmas was always such a happy time growing up and I think my parents love for the holiday really rubbed off on me.  Christmas music was always playing... my moms decorating is magazine worthy... the cookies and food... the wonder of it all! 

And thinking of all those happy moments has really helped me keep my head up this holiday season.  I have been driving Mr nuts with my endless Christmas music collection... our tree was up extra early... and the gifts that have already been purchased are wrapped and waiting under the tree.

I LOVE gift giving! I love finding the perfect something for those special someones in our lives and seeing their joy when they open said gifts makes me giddy.  And wrapping - I love that too! Pretty paper, fancy ribbon, fun!  Yes, I am a dork

I take it upon myself to do all of the shopping for Mr and myself (he gets frustrated too easily). I buy for both familes and he, well... he just has to buy for me.  Now, One would think that buying for one person would be a whole lot easier than buying for two whole familes... but sadly, One would be wrong.  He usually repeatedly asks what I would want, and I tell him I really don't care (because I honestly don't) and that he can figure something out on his own.

So, imagine my surprise when this morning he sends me an excited text that he found my Christmas gift!  I haven't made any suggestions, my man-child did it all on his own!

We were going to do a small Christmas this year.  With the cycle drawing near and talks of planning a vacation, we thought it best to keep it small.  But aparently he changed his mind.  I assumed that since it was a "larger" gift that it would be for both of us, but he swears its just for me... 

So now, I am going nuts trying to figure out what it could possibly be!  I don't do well with surprises... well I love surprises but not the kind that you know are coming... does that make sense? 

Well, I'm off to finish our shopping!  Wish me luck - I know its going to be nuts out there :)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


AF is finally here! (with some wicked cramps)... After a 108 day cycle I am so excited... 

And this means that I can start bcp's come Sunday! 

Only on this crazy rollercoaster would someone be happy to be getting their period and starting bcp's!

Yay - this show is finally going somewhere :)

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Talk...

We finally had "the talk" this weekend.

It took everything in me to stay calm and quiet and just give him some time to process it all.  I know that he needed to get his thoughts straight and since he isn't a "talk your thoughts out" kind of person, I just rolled with it for a few days.

Saturday night I couldn't hold it any longer and asked if we were going to talk about what happened on Wednesday.  He caved and admitted that while he isn't afraid of moving forward with ivf, he is scared of what happens if it doesn't work.  I am petrified of this too I assured him.

We agreed that we have to try to say we gave it our all.  I will start bcp's whenever AF shows (currently taking Provera).  We are undecided as to if we will start cycling at the end of the first pack or if I will continue them for another month, but I am thrilled to say that we will finally be getting this show on the road in either January or February!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


You know that feeling you get in your stomach... the feeling that something just isn't right.... or something has gone wrong?  It eats at the pit of your stomach and you sit wondering what it could be.  Has something happened and you just haven't heard about it yet?... Did you forget to do something?

I have felt that way for the past few days and couldn't put a finger on what it was.  I began to wonder if maybe I was just sick... some kind of bug or something... but after today I am thinking that it really was just one of those "gut" feelings.

I don't really know where to start or what to say.

Our appointment was today.  We argued before we left the house.  I don't do well with arguments... especially with The Mr. because he is a clam up and not talk about it kind of person.  It drives me batty.  The argument was about where we are in this whole process, where we see ourselves going, and how fast we are going to get there.  This resulted in a silent car ride to the Dr's.

We get there, check in, and are thankfully taken back very quickly.  I step on the scale and want to throw up... I have gained 12... 12!!! lbs since my first IVF consult which was in February of this year (gee, ya think I am a stress eater?... I am heavier now than I have ever been).  Then, of course my blood pressure is higher than normal because the stress is just building up.  The nurse kindly joked that I shouldn't worry about the bp as RE offices aren't really conducive to calm.

It gets better...

We sit down with Dr. B. and begin going over the latest SA results.  Things have gotten worse.  (For the IF girls, count is around 2 mil, motility 4%, and morph under 1%).  She reiterates that IVFw/ICSI is our best bet.  She continues that due to the decreasing numbers we should think about doing it sooner rather than later.

And to make this super day even better... I am on CD 96.  She ordered some blood work, gave me a Provera.script and a script for bcp's.  Regardless of when we want to start IVF, she wants me to start taking them to keep things under some sort of order.

We haven't talked about the appointment at all.  Not even a "well that sucks" moment.  Its like we never saw the Dr. at all today.

I want to scream.  I want to cry.  I want The Mr. to just talk to me.

Why does this have to be so difficult?...