Monday, November 16, 2009

Meltdown...

Saturday I woke up to someone knocking on the door. The Mr. was off at a ToysForTots event and I very content to just stay snuggled in bed and ignore the knock... but then they knocked again... and again... so I finally rolled out of bed, threw my hair in a ponytail along the way and opened the door.


I.got.served. Mother effer!


I was in an accident almost 2 years ago (yes, almost... had it been the full 2 then it would have all been over, ugh!). I am just now being asked to testify. The laws of physics easily prove that I was in no way at fault, but that's a story for another day...


I threw out a death look, signed for the papers, closed the door... and burst into tears. Major meltdown ensued. Uncontrollable sobbing, snot faucet, gagging, and eventually a minor asthma attack... it was ugly. I managed to call Mr. who thinks that surely someone must have died for me to be this upset. I blurt out what happened between sobs and continue to whail like its the end of the world... he tried to calm me - this is nothing to be upset over - the lawyers will handle it - I did nothing wrong... but the crying continues.


And it hit me that I am not crying over the papers. The papers were just the thing that pushed me over the edge. All the stress, all the frustration, all the heartache of the past year was finally pouring out. So, I let myself cry it out. I crawled back into bed to watch a movie and cried some more. And then I forced myself into the shower... where I cried a bit more.


I could have easily stayed indoors all day as Saturday continued to be the umpteenth day of rain here, but then my mom called and asked if I was interested in meeting her and my dad at the movies. It was the perfect cure... I would be out of the house but could still sit in the dark and lose myself in someone else's world.


I came out of the movies feeling much better. I know that I can't continue to keep it all in... its not healthy and does me absolutely no good. Mr and I talked through some things later that night and realized that we have both been on the verge and taking it out on each other. While it was an ugly ugly morning, I think I needed that release to wake me up, clean me out, and open me up to a new day...


A funny thing... Sunday we woke up to blue skies and warm weather... the rain had finally passed...

No comments: