Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Jealousy...

In the sad bitter world of IF, we all compare our journeys, whether out loud or in our own minds... from meds, to injectibles, to iui's, to ivf, to donors, to adoption.  And whatever stage you are on, you think that someone who is at a "lower" stage couldn't understand the suffering of someone doing more advanced treatments.  Jealousy abounds even though it is hardly discussed.  Sure, the torture over a friend or family member annoucning their pregnancy is discussed daily... but I am talking about the jealousy we have over one another.  Ivfers feel a stab when an iuier gets their positive... iuiers from medicated cycles... etc...  "It's not fair, we took those steps too, why didn't we get our positive?  Why are we still on this ugly road?"


And then, another blogger (and I am so sorry that I can't remember who) pointed out something along the lines of, where you are in your journey is your own personal low... and that low is just as great no matter what stage you are on.

How very true.  Just because someone isn't on the path that I am on, doesn't mean that their journey is an easier to navigate.

I also find that friends and family are sometimes scared to share their joy, because they are afraid of upsetting us bitter bettys.  Fellow IF sufferers post their bfp's with a warning so that we are not hurt.  They hide their joy for fear of crushing us and well, that just isn't fair to them. 

I know that there will always be that odd "moment" when I hear someone else's news, yes I am thrilled for them, but I am also sad for me... but with their happiness comes hope, and hope is always something to be open to...

4 comments:

infertilityugh said...

I completely agree with you. Jealousy is one of the hardest things to deal with it, isn't it? You don't WANT to feel that way, and you are happy for the other person, but you just can't help but feel that way.

I'm so glad that I happened across your blog today (from Mel's). You have a new reader!

Nixy

Kristin (kekis) said...

You have shared what we all feel at some point or another. The hard part of the jealousy is when it later becomes mixed with the guilt. I don't have any explanation on how to get through it, but somehow we just do.

loribeth said...

Here from the comment chain at the Stirrup Queen's blog! It is very, very hard to avoid the green-eyed monster when you are dealing with IF. I think we need to be easy on ourselves, because it's all part of being human. (((hugs)))

mrsmoore08 said...

This is such a great post. You should bookmark it if you ever do a best of for your blog. I completely agreed with your idea of different levels of infertility but your reader is right. It's just hard to step back and be able to see that.