Friday, October 23, 2009

Release...

Earlier in the year, I gave myself a pep-talk of sorts. I told myself that I would not let IF get the best of me... that I would keep my head up and focus on the good.

Ha! What a joke. I have been down-right wicked lately.

I recently was unintentionally cruel to someone who has always been extremely nice to me. At the time, I thought nothing of it. How it came across was not how it was intended, but in hindsight I should have known better. I have since apologized, but it doesn't make it right.

Looking back over the past few months, I don't recognize the person I have become. I am angry and bitter and sad most of the time. I find myself pulling away from friends. I can't focus at work. My at home to-do list steadily grows and I can't bring myself to get any of it done.

As much as I know that I am letting the ugly take over and that I need a swift kick in the ass, I just can't seem to snap out of it. I have become what I had feared... I have let it consume me. I have found an odd sort of comfort in the "dark & twistys." It is easier to slide into the ease of miserableness than it is to fake a smile.

I need some kind of release... an outlet for my frustrations... something to clear my head and get me back on my feet. I know what I need to do, but getting there is more than half the battle from where I currently stand...

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

I'm sorry. Big Hugs!