Saturday, October 31, 2009

NFP...

I had a woman suggest Natural Family Planning to me today.

I stood there in shock, speechless and unable to dish out the throat-punch that rested on the tips of my knuckles.

My sil's mother took it upon herself to grill me about our baby-making efforts today.  I tried to kindly answer her questions that yes, we are trying... no, we aren't pregnant yet... but she lost me when she started offering up advice... and NFP to boot.

Trust me lady, while I would like nothing more than to have some good old-fashioned sex on CD14 and get knocked up as a result... it just isn't going to happen.

If you would kindly stfu and keep your dark-age advice to yourself, we would all be better off.

ETA:  My anger towards this advice has much more to do with the suggester rather than the suggestion.  My vent isn't about NFP and that is how it came across :)  This woman has been told on more than one occasion, by myself and her daughter, of our troubles and she still just doesn't get it. 

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Awareness...

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

This disease has touched us all and it is the little things we do that can help make a difference. It hits very close to home for me as my mother is a survivor and we sadly lost her sister to this ugly disease some ten years ago.

Remember to perform self-exams and to call your Dr. if you have any concerns. Early detection does save lives.

If you don't already, please "favorite" www.thebreastcancersite.com and click-a-day to help give free mammograms to those in need. You can also visit www.feelyourboobies.com to help spread awareness.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Reminder...

This weekend was just what the Dr ordered...

I spent Friday night at homecoming with my sorority sisters. Those girls know how to pick you up, slap you around, and send you merrily on your way. They brought me back to reality. They made me smile. They made me breath...

Saturday we celebrated the birthday of one of my dearest friends. Good friends, good food, good drinks, good times.

This weekend was a reminder of how lucky I am. I know that some days are going to be better than others... and on the not so good days, I have amazing friends and family to help me along the way.

I shelled out some advice to a friend recently and need to throw it right back at myself...

"Life moves along. Some days we are running to catch up with it and others we are at the vortex of the tornado, stuck in a time free-haze where everything on the outside is flying by and all we can do is sit frozen. All we can do is keep breathing... one day at a time... one foot in front of the other. Don't let the crap days outshine the good ones... this life has a lot to offer."

Friday, October 23, 2009

Release...

Earlier in the year, I gave myself a pep-talk of sorts. I told myself that I would not let IF get the best of me... that I would keep my head up and focus on the good.

Ha! What a joke. I have been down-right wicked lately.

I recently was unintentionally cruel to someone who has always been extremely nice to me. At the time, I thought nothing of it. How it came across was not how it was intended, but in hindsight I should have known better. I have since apologized, but it doesn't make it right.

Looking back over the past few months, I don't recognize the person I have become. I am angry and bitter and sad most of the time. I find myself pulling away from friends. I can't focus at work. My at home to-do list steadily grows and I can't bring myself to get any of it done.

As much as I know that I am letting the ugly take over and that I need a swift kick in the ass, I just can't seem to snap out of it. I have become what I had feared... I have let it consume me. I have found an odd sort of comfort in the "dark & twistys." It is easier to slide into the ease of miserableness than it is to fake a smile.

I need some kind of release... an outlet for my frustrations... something to clear my head and get me back on my feet. I know what I need to do, but getting there is more than half the battle from where I currently stand...

Monday, October 12, 2009

Faith...

Growing up, we attended church every week... I was active in the Jr. Choir and even the youth group. Somewhere along the line, I let my life get in the way and my time with God began to dwindle. Attendance at church a few times a week changed to once a week, to once a month, to just holidays, to nothing. My nightly prayers slowly stopped being said and then I found myself only praying when the going got tough...

And now as I search for answers to the whys and what ifs, I find myself looking to what I learned in Church those many years ago. The world seems to be fighting us at every turn. Some days I can't help but wonder... Are we being punished? I am questioning my faith when I can't find the upside of down.

Of course I know all the cliches... "God will not give me more than I can handle," "God has a special plan for us," and the list goes on and on... and I want to believe that there is a plan for us and that we will be able to handle that plan, but holding onto that belief has become tough.

Each one of us needs a lifeline... so, what is yours? What keeps you holding on? What makes you stand up and fight one more battle? Is it your faith, is it love, is it someone, or is it something entirely different?...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Side-tracked

I have barely had time to breath lately, let alone think...

I find my self enduring Weddingpalooza 2009... We have had five weddings since July 4th. I have been in two - the matron of honor in one. During this time we have had three bachelor/bachelorette parties, several birthdays, and even a christening.

While my bank account is crying, the insanity has also helped to keep me somewhat side-tracked. I can't constantly think about babies, needles, appointments, etc when I am busy drying bride tears, making last minute changes to 20 centerpieces, and trying to figure out why the hell our day of transportation is an hour late.

This Friday will be my last wedding and I am sure that when all is said and done, I will breath a sigh of relief for all of about thirty seconds and then resume panic mode for my upcoming cycle.

In a perfect world, AF should arrive sometime within the next week. I hope this does happen so that I don't have too much time to dwell on the crazy... I could just dive right in and get this show on the road. I'm also hoping this holds true so that my New Years wish of getting pregnant in 2009 will finally come to be...