Monday, August 31, 2009

Slap in the face...

There are only fifteen states that mandate coverage for infertility. NJ is one of them.

Well... of course our health insurance conveniently fits into one of those loopholes where we are not covered. Zip.Zero.Nada. We are 100% out of pocket.

If you know even just a little bit about IVF, then you are aware that well... it ain't cheap.

Seriously... when do we get a break?

I know that we have a lot to be thankful for... we have jobs, a home, amazing family and friends, and most importantly we have each other. But that does not mean that I cannot be angry at the world for where we find ourselves. It is painful enough to be told that you will most likely not be able to conceive on your own but to then be told that there is no coverage for the procedures that may help you is like a slap in the face.

We will be fine. We will get through this. The outcome will be more than I am sure we could possibly ever dream of... but right now, this simply sucks.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

How'd we get here... Part Three

So with the latest crappy results, Doc called us in for another consult.

After looking over all of the tests that had been completed on the two of us and monitoring me through a full cycle, we were told that our best option to help us conceive was IVF with ICSI.

To say that this was shocking news would be a major understatement.

Of course we asked if there were any other options. Doc said that we could try an IUI but the chances of it working were only marginally better than simply trying on our own. We asked if we should see a urologist... maybe there was some kind of medication or procedure or something???... She said again that the odds were against us but gave us the name of a few urologists that specialize in MFI.

We made an appointment right away. The urologist informed us that part of the issue probably stemmed from a surgery and injury that DH sustained as a kid... but that part of the issue was just basically bad luck. After more tests (of course), the diagnosis is what it is. A special fertility vitamin was recommended - we figured it was worth a try - after all it couldn't hurt anything at this point...

So thats where we stand... onto IVF...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

How'd we get here... Part Two

So to make a long story short... if you are taking Clomid, you should be monitored with blood-work and ultrasounds. Some of the side effects, if not monitored, can result in doing more harm than good.

While contemplating what to do, we received the results from The Mr's SA. The results weren't all that great. All of his hormone levels were within range but, his count (number of sperm) - motility (movement of sperm) - and morphology (normal shape of sperm) were all low. After some more research and advice from a friend dealing with infertility I decided it was time to call the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist).


She put us at ease right away. We went over each of our medical histories, set up appointments to have me monitored, and ordered a second SA. While I didn't yet know where the road would ultimately lead, I felt comfortable taking the journey with this Dr.

Good news - Clomid did make me ovulate...
Bad news - The Mr's second SA came back with even worse results than the first one...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

How'd we get here... Part One

We are young. We have only been married a little over a year. So how we wound up on IVF's doorstep has to make some people scrath their heads. Trust me - I still scratch mine in bewilderment most days.

Well... it started before we even met to be honest. We both have conditions that will make having a baby the natural way very difficult - but neither of us knew.

From the start I just had a feeling. A feeling that it was either going to happen right away or that their would be some kind of complication. No in between - either crazy easy or stupid tough. After a few months with no luck I picked up Taking Charge of Your Fertility under the advice of a friend. All I can say is wow - its amazing how little we are taught about our bodies. This book helped me in so many ways.

I have always had irregular cycles but had never thought anything of it. It was great not getting my period for months at a time. After reading the book I began to chart my cycles and realized that my cycles were so long because I wasn't ovulating on my own. And well, if you aren't ovulating then its pretty damn hard to get pregnant. I decided to call my obgyn for a wellness check and to talk about being anovulatory and about trying to conceive (TTC).

After meeting with the Dr. and showing him my charts he decided that it would be in my best interest to try the fertility drug Clomid to help make me ovulate. Dr. also recommended that my husband have a semen analysis (SA) to ensure there wasn't something else preventing us from getting pregnant. He gave us our scripts, told me to call on a certain day of my cycle, and sent us on our way.

I am a researcher my nature and it is also engrained in me as part of my schooling so I looked into Clomid the second we walked into the door.

And that my friends is when our world became something new...

(ETA: I highly recommend TCOYF... its a great source for understanding your body and charting can be used to aid in getting pregnant as well as preventing pregnancy the natural way.)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Consider this your warning ;)

The art of baby making the - shall we say - "un-natural" way isn't always so pretty... but if I am going to discuss infertility and all its glory then I am going to be brutaly honest about it!

So consider yourself warned for the upcoming musings regarding our journey :)

Friday, August 7, 2009

Mock Transfer...

One of the final steps before we actually begin our IVF cycle is to have a Mock Transfer. Basically, this is where the RE inserts a tiny catheter into the uterus to to measure its depth and direction. This is done so that when the actual transfer is performed, there are no surprises.

So, I scheduled my mock for yesterday. The procedure required no prep which was great. In doing some online research (google can be your best friend and your worst enemy!) I found that many places suggest a full bladder to assist with the test. So, even though my RE didn't require it, I drank a little extra water yesterday :)

The procedure itself was very quick and the Dr and nurse were extremely kind. The Dr did say that having a full bladder allowed her to find the path easier and she was able to complete it faster as well. I had slight cramping that lasted only seconds and overall the discomfort was very minimal.

She said everything looks good and we are free to proceed with IVF whenever we are ready! We are hoping to get this show on the road sometime in September or October... wow... the butterflies have officially invaded my belly!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Fresh air...

So today I did something that I haven't done in awhile.  Something that I used to love.  Something that used to make me feel great.  

I ran.  

I forgot how great it felt... sure I'm going to be sore and I cannot go the distance I once could... but I cannot tell you how awesome it was just to breath in the fresh air, rock out to my ipod, and leave all my worries in the wind...

Monday, August 3, 2009


We cannot control everything.  I have fully embraced that - especially with our diagnosis.  I have accepted that this road, while not ideal, is ours to travel.

But... it has also forced a wake-up call of sorts upon me.  While that one huge part of our life is out of our hands, I can hold the reins in other aspects of the world I call my own.

I can choose to be bitter.  I can choose to be angry.  I can choose to let the emptiness consume me...


I can choose to enjoy all the other amazingly wonderful people and things and places that I encounter every day.  Simply, I can choose to smile.